For Women Only: A Wife’s Personal Checklist - Family Counseling Ministries

Family Counseling Ministries -

Are you interested in examining a checklist of ways that wives typically offend their husbands? In this article Dr. Don Dunlap encourages women who find it hard to identify specific ways that they offend their husbands, to read through the list prayerfully. He suggests that each reader check the items that apply, for the purpose of repentance, reconciliation and marital restoration.

Listed below are some of the offenses that wives typically commit against their husbands. As women read through this list they may wish to check any of these offenses that apply to them.

___ 1. Expecting him to know what I need without telling him

___ 2. Ignoring him

___ 3. Trying to be financially independent

___ 4. Not valuing his opinions

___ 5. Insisting on maintaining separate checking accounts

___ 6. Showing more attention to other people than I show to him

___ 7. Demonstrating greater loyalty to other people (children, parents, employer, friends, pastor, etc.) than to him

___ 8. Resisting his decisions in my heart

___ 9. Resisting his physical affection

___ 10. Making him feel guilty if he desires me sexually when I don’t desire him

___ 11. Being unresponsive to him sexually

___ 12. Withholding sex as a means of punishing him for his insensitivity or wrong behavior

___ 13. Taking his responsibilities into my own hands in order to see to it that they get done

___ 14. Not respecting him as a person who is in authority over me

___ 15. Having a lack of respect for him as the God-given leader in our home

___ 16. Not expressing confidence in him when he makes wrong decisions

___ 17. Not showing loyalty and support in spite of the wrong decisions he makes

___ 18. Not appreciating him for the positive things that he does for me or for the family

___ 19. Not expressing enthusiasm for his achievements

___ 20. Being inattentive to him when he is talking

___ 21. Letting myself go in physical appearance and/or health

___ 22. Not being determined to develop a gentle and contented spirit, which the Bible says is precious in God’s sight

___ 23. Failing to know or to apply the biblical principles of appeal when I need to do so

___ 24. Being unwilling to forgive my husband for past failures or hurts

___ 25. Failing to explain my needs and fears without condemning him

___ 26. Being unwilling to define my responsibilities to my husband

___ 27. Criticizing or discrediting him in front of other people

___ 28. Failing to encourage my husband to spend time alone with the Lord

___ 29. Condemning him for not being the spiritual leader and taking more spiritual responsibility

___ 30. Not understanding that a man’s need to spend time alone with God is not a rejection of his wife

___ 31. Being unwilling to learn contentment in my present circumstances

___ 32. Being ungrateful for each expression of his love or provision

___ 33. Not praising him for any growth or achievement in areas where I want him to improve

___ 34. Not visualizing how the problems of marriage are helping me achieve greater character and growth in my relationship with Jesus Christ

___ 35. Making sarcastic comments about him

___ 36. Insulting him in front of others

___ 37. Using careless words when I communicate with him

___ 38. Nagging him and speaking harshly

___ 39. Raising my voice at him

___ 40. Making critical comments that seem to have no basis

___ 41. Swearing or using foul language in his presence

___ 42. Correcting him in public

___ 43. Being tactless when I point out his weaknesses or blind spots

___ 44. Reminding him angrily that I warned him not to do something

___ 45. Having disgusted or judgmental attitudes

___ 46. Telling him how wonderful other men are and comparing him to them

___ 47. Being disrespectful to his family members and other relatives

___ 48. Coercing him into arguments

___ 49. Not praising him for something that he did well, even if he did it for me

___ 50. Treating him like a child

___ 51. Being unaware of his needs

___ 52. Not trusting him

___ 53. Not approving of what he does or how he does it in a general sense

___ 54. Not being interested in my own personal growth or spiritual growth

___ 55. Not giving him input when he really needs it and asks for it

___ 56. Not telling him that I love him in specific ways

___ 57. Having generally selfish and condemning attitudes

___ 58. Not attending church regularly

___ 59. Showing more excitement for work and other activities than for him

___ 60. Not being consistent with the discipline of the children

___ 61. Being unwilling to admit when I am wrong

___ 62. Being defensive when he points out one of my “blind spots”

___ 63. Being too busy with work and other activities

___ 64. Not allowing him to fail—believing that I always have to correct him

___ 65. Spending too much money, using credit cards unwisely, and getting the family too deeply into debt

___ 66. Not having a sense of humor and not being able to joke about things

___ 67. Not telling him how important he is to me

___ 68. Not defending him when someone else is complaining about him or tearing him down, (especially if it is one of my relatives or friends)

___ 69. Not bragging to other people about him

___ 70. Ignoring his relatives and the people who are important to him

___ 71. Criticizing him behind his back (This is especially painful for him if he hears about my criticism from someone else.)

___ 72. Blaming him for the things in our relationship that are clearly my fault

___ 73. Becoming impatient or angry with him when he can’t keep up with my schedule or physical stamina

___ 74. Acting as though I am a martyr if I go along with his decisions

___ 75. Sulking when he challenges my comments

___ 76. Insisting upon lecturing him in order to convey the importance of my points

___ 77. Putting other things before him

___ 78. Showing more appreciation or admiration for other men than for him

___ 79. Criticizing or belittling his character or abilities

___ 80. Pushing him to do things that he thinks should not be done

___ 81. Making fun of his leadership (even in jest)

___ 82. Not seeking his advice or counsel on issues in my world

___ 83. Allowing trivial and non-essential discussions to become arguments

___ 84. Complaining excessively (whining)

___ 85. Honoring my parents above him

___ 86. Devaluing his input with the children

___ 87. Complaining about the time that he needs with other men to pursue positive goals

___ 88. Showing no interest in his recreational interests

___ 89. Violating money management agreements

___ 90. Not generally admiring him as a man

___ 91. Not respecting his leadership

___ 92. Berating him for lack of spiritual leadership

___ 93. Not paying full attention while he is talking to other people or to me

___ 94. Interrupting him before I have heard him out

___ 95. Trying to get in the last word in order to win an argument

___ 96. Using statements like “You always…” and “You never…”

___ 97. Devaluing his vocation or work pursuits

___ 98. Failing to take care of my physical appearance

___ 99. Failing to assume the primary responsibility for keeping the house neat and clean

___ 100. Making fun of his physical appearance

___ 101. Not building him up and not encouraging him

___ 102. Not expressing a gentle and respectful spirit when we disagree

___ 103. Bringing up past failures and hurts

___ 104. Arguing with him or questioning him in front of the children

___ 105. Consistently putting the children’s needs before his

___ 106. Keeping secrets from him and being untrustworthy

___ 107. Making excuses about the children’s disobedience

___ 108. Shopping, and spending money as a means to relieve my depression or discouraged mood (or to retaliate against him)

___ 109. Forgetting things that matter to him

___ 110. Not praying for him

Now go back and write out each offense expanding specifically on each one. Then, sit down with your husband and ask him to forgive you for every offense. This is one of the most important projects to restoring and strengthening a marriage. Give it your best effort. He will be able to sense any insincerity.

As women read through these items, they should keep in mind that the purpose of the list is to help them repent, and restore and reconcile their marriage relationship. It is wise to ask God for the opportunity to humble themselves before their husbands, for the purpose of repentance, restoration and reconciliation in their marriage relationships.

Dr. Don Dunlap, a pioneer in the placement of Pastoral Counselors in the offices of Christian physicians, has conducted over twenty thousand appointments during his ministerial career. His counseling practice includes adults, children and families in crisis. Dr. Dunlap is committed to facilitating a network of telephone counselors. His goal is to provide help for the many people unable to meet face to face with a competent Bible-based counselor. For a complete library of Dr. Dunlap’s articles, indexed by topic, go to Family Counseling Ministries. You may also make an appointment for personal telephone counseling by clicking on Family Counseling Ministries. Family Counseling Ministries is a Christianity.com ministry Partner.